so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
