allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
