i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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