no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
