i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
