those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize