She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
