the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
