i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
