found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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