Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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