I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
