I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
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