She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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