Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
