If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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