Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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