It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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