Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
