life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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