So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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