Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
