i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
