Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize