i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
