i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
