I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
