The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
