she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
