how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
