Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
