I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize