His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
