I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
