The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Boobs are out for the taking
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
