theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize