Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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