I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
