i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
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