did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Girls should come with a carfax report
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
