Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Less talking, more tequila
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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