good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
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