Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
