You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I think my nap took me to another dimension
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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