Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
