Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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