where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
