So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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