i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
