So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
