he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
he puts the penis in happiness.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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