come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
