if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
