she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
