i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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