You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
