I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
