also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
