So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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