And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Randomize