i don't like sucking hair
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Houston, we have a blender
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
